Abbey's Blog

Welcome to my Blog!

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Abbey, a Sophomore at Central High. I am very involved in theater at school and love my church youth group. My friends all look up to me-- I don't know why... I guess they think I "have it all together."

But I guess lately I have been questioning some things, specifically about sex. Ever since I started junior high, I have been struggling with "the changes" taking place with my body and just my sexual identity in general.

It's just that I am getting so many conflicting messages from friends, family, and even church. For example, I really enjoy listening to vintage Madonna on my mom's old albums from the 80's. The music sounds kinda funny, but Madonna sure is (or was) a strong, self-confident female, sexually. So should I act like she does because I admire her self-confidence? And the rap I listen to... I know the words degrade women, but I still like the beat.

But even at church it's... confusing. Sometimes it seems that the church and my parents are really "against" sex. Dad seems real concerned about me dating, and what "could happen." In church, I hear Bible verses on how the "flesh" is bad, and it seems to me that means my body and sex is bad. But then I remember hearing Pastor Debbie, my pastor (duh ;P) , say that God created human bodies and sexuality and that they were "good" in God's eyes. So, which is it???

And if that isn't enough, what do I do about Billy? Billy is my boyfriend. He's a junior and plays soccer. Our friends said we would make a great couple and well, here we are. Plus, he goes to our church too, so Mom and Dad are cool with it. We've been going out for four months now, and I wonder if we shouldn't be doing "more" stuff together... I mean like, stuff, stuff... you know? We really care for each other. Like the other day, after a movie, we were alone in Billy's car, and he suggested that we take the physical relationship to the "next level." I knew he would bring up oral sex, eventually, and I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about that yet. And he was fine with that. He didn't pressure me or anything, but he did say that a lot of his friends had received oral sex, and that it was safe. I don't know. I want to please him, but I still have questions.

Like, is there something wrong with this? I mean, what does my faith, or the Bible, say about this? I know intercourse is wrong, but oral sex isn't the same, right? We'd still be virgins. And I couldn't get pregnant from it... My friends are telling me it's not even really sex.

Ugh... the more I think about it, the more confused I get!

Posted by Abbey @ 11:33 AM 2 Comments Links to this post